14 years ago she died on this day. I do not really remember details of anyone telling me or anything about that day honestly. Just what I felt. Different. I knew I wasn’t ever going to be the same me again. 14 years.. I was 13 when my mom passed away. Now it’s been longer than she knew me. I have so much life left to live and my mom is gone.. forever.
It’s not fair. I hate this.
I hate waking up everyday knowing my mom isn’t here. Then to think about my granny getting older like omg I still have a lot of grief to get to… the day she leaves this realm .. I’ll be the last one. It hurts to even think about. On this day I lost everything. Today I am committed to MY JOY. Like my first entry says.. I feel different now. A good different. Like me again. I know I will never be that same girl again but I’m excited for this era of my life it feels like everything is going to be alright now. Truly.
I can still live a beautiful, fun , passionate life while missing my mom. She is in me. My mom deserved better than what she went through and I’ll be damned if her daughter(me) goes through any more unnecessary grief/trauma/drama..
I have finally woken up so when you see me not coming around anymore, blocking family/friends, traveling, living my best life with the love of my life. I’m doing this for her. Shit for US.
love, Cecily’s daughter <3